I don't even care.  I really am scared.  Very scared.  I think I had some sort of preminition with my dream two nights ago.  I'm not joking in the slightest either.  I'm sitting in the computer lab crying, I hope noone sees me.

Now in my first dream I got shot in the head and it produced a hole in my skull.  Then in my second dream I went to Johnny Knoxville's mansion.  

Well today I walk into Sociology class and it seemed like it was going to be just a regular class, only it wasn't.  My professor started to talk about abnormal behavior and the way society accepts it.  This was all pretty normal stuff, but then he decided to bring up the Jeffrey Dahmer case.  I had honestly never heard of it before (which is shameful considering what I want to do for a living) so I payed very close attention.  He didn't go into much detail though because it appeared many of the girls in class have weak stomaches.  

The case intrigued me, which isn't out of the ordinary either since I'm very interested in the criminal mind.  So I had about an hour before my next class and decided to do a little research on Dahmer.  My first stop was Wikipedia.  I read the entire thing, including the poplure culture list.  Who's name pops up?  Johnny Knoxville.  "In the 2005 film The Ringer, starring Johnny Knoxville, Knoxville's character name is Jeffy Dahmor, which is a play on Jeffrey Dahmer."   Now I haven't seen the movie and I wouldn't have known it was a referrence to Dahmer before today anyway.  So this was a bit shocking to me, but it was only reference number one...

My next stop was the online criminal library were I read in detail about Dahmer.  He would drill holes into the skulls of his still living victims.  In my dream I had a hole in skull.  Do you see where I'm coming from?  So I was already pretty darn freaked out by the time that I went to CIT class.

Then I got to thinking.  The Jeffrey Dahmer reference related to two parts of my three part dream.  The last part involving my childhood crush Ricky, that for some reason or another I care greatly about to this very day.  In the dream my mother and I broke down, an old man we didn't know offered us a ride, we stopped to see Ricky and before leaving my mother told me to say goodbye but in such a way as if she knew that something was going to happen and I'd never see him again.  So I hugged him and wouldn't let go and he ended up just coming with us.

Now I understand I have a screwed up imagination but just hear me out.  Jeffrey Dahmer's first victim was a hitchhiker that he picked up, raped and murdered.  In my dream our car broke down, leaving us on the side of the road.  Jeffrey was appearently a smooth talker who came off as a friendly normal man.  The old man in my dream that offered us a ride was like that, I didn't know him but he felt oddly familiar, like a grandpap.  At the same time, I was very apprehensive about taking a ride from him.  Jeffrey then took this man back to his place and drugged him.  The old man in my dream was very persistant about taking the food he offered to us.  We didn't eat it though, we stopped at Ricky's and gave it to him.  He started to spill his feelings in a way that's not like him after he ate.  

What if my dream had it a little off.  What if Ricky breaks down and is offered a ride home?  Then he lets some strange man buy him dinner that is laced with something?  Then the man rapes and kills him?  What if?  I can't get that what if's out of my mind. 

Now maybe this is a bit far fetched for some peoples likings, but I think it's a sign that Ricky is in danger and I'm scared as hell.  I'm not exaggerating either and other people can tell I'm worried too.  This boy did a double take and then asked me if I was sick.  I said no and asked why he had inquired, he told me that my pupils are huge and my face is completely flushed.  My skin is icy to the touch and I'm involuntarily shaking and crying.  I'm so glad that hardly anyone is in the lab at this time.  I just want to go home.  I can't wait to go home.  

I'm so confused right now.  If I tell Ricky about the dreams and my fears for his safety, he'll tell my I'm crazy.  I know him well enough to tell you that.  I also know that if he did break down after that he would jump on the oppurtunity to hitch a ride home, so that he could call me up and tell me that 'the crazy guy' was actually really nice and then laugh about it.  So telling him is out of the question, but what if something does happen?  I'll feel like a piece of shit.  Like it was all my fault for not somehow stopping it from happening.  I don't know what to do, I'm so scared.